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Talking To Twins

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This resource stems from a question submitted to the Ask PCA blog. Responses come from our experts including PCA Trainers, who lead live group workshops for coaches, parents, administrators and student-athletes.

"Help! We have twin boys age 7 in their first year of youth sports. One made the all-star team, and the other did not. Any advice on how to address this with them, without breaking the other brother’s heart and spirit for the game?"

PCA Response By Kelly Kratz, Lead Trainer
Some of your approach will depend on how YOU feel about the all-star team selection. The all-star team selections usually are a bigger deal for parents than they are for the kids.

Any situation can be reframed in a positive way. My 9-year-old nephew said after last summer of being on all-stars he didn't even want to be selected this summer because he missed going to the pool and beach on weekends, it was SO hot, and he only played a few innings. This summer he is on the swim team at his local pool!

For your son who did not make the team,help him realize his strengths. Maybe he is a faster runner, or can shoot a basketball better, or excels in math. It is important to make sure that both of your sons know that their identity and worth is NOT based on their athletic ability.

You also can share with your son who did not make the team that many pro athletes were NOT the best players on the team when they were little. They learned to WORK hard to get where they are today. So this is an opportunity to teach your son resilience and determination and explain that despite any disappointment at not making the team, he actually will benefit long-term from the experience.

Download a printable version of this resource, including any additional commentary from PCA, by clicking the PDF below. To read more questions and answers like this, or to submit your own question to the Ask PCA blog, click here.

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